Helpful Advice from Older Siblings

Hannah, our youngest child, started kindergarten on Wednesday.  She has been anticipating this first day of school for a LONG time.  She actually was convinced she got to start kindergarten in January after I filled out the intentions for enrollment paperwork and was devastated to find out she would not start until after summer.  If you have any older siblings, you know how “helpful” they are in getting us prepared for school.  They not only help us learn our letters and numbers, but more importantly, they inform us about the teachers and what not to do at school.

One of the stories the siblings shared with Hannah was about the art teacher.  My children attend a school where there is a dress code and uniforms are worn.  One of the rules is that shirts must be tucked in.  According to my older children, if you do not keep your shirt tucked in the art teacher will staple your shirt to your pants.  Now I know (and they know) that he has never done this, but they wanted to make sure Hannah knew how important it is to keep your shirt tucked in during art.

After the first day of school, Hannah got in the car and was very quiet.  I tried to ask about her first day, but got very little response.  I wasn't sure if she was tired or overwhelmed, but I knew something wasn’t right.  Eventually, the only thing she said was, “I have art tomorrow and I am going to wear a dress.”  I told her that art sounded like fun, but maybe she wanted to wear shorts or her skirt tomorrow because the only dress she had was a jumper that would be much too warm.

When we got home, Hannah continued to be very quiet and would not eat her snack.  I sat down with her and asked again what was wrong.  This time she burst into tears and threw herself into my arms crying, “I don’t want to go to school again.  I want to stay home with you forever.  I don’t want the art teacher to staple my shirt to my pants!”

It took a while to get her calmed down and the entire time I am trying to stifle my laugh while the older children are interjecting with comments that are NOT helping the situation.  “He won’t staple you unless he catches you with your shirt untucked!”

Hannah did return the next day.  She wore a dress so she didn't have to worry about it coming untucked.  Dad introduced her to the art teacher and told him about the story.  That day Hannah came home and was so excited.  She informed the older kids that the art teacher is really nice and doesn't even own a stapler!  As her sister quietly whispered, “Yes he does!”

Home Alone

My entire family (husband and children) was gone over the Memorial Day Weekend visiting family.  They left on Friday morning and Erik returned on Tuesday and I went to get the kids on Friday.  I have to be honest, I was less than thrilled about the time alone and felt sorry for myself.  I was positive this would be the worst five days and time would go so slow.  I tried to line up outings with friends and came up with a huge list to make sure the time would go by quickly.

The first day I worked in the morning and a friend, who I hadn't seen for 9 months, came by for a visit.  I was supposed to go out that evening to downtown Greeley but found myself exhausted and canceled the plans.  On Saturday morning, I still was feeling quite sorry for myself but after a great run with friends and coffee, I was starting to feel a little better about the situation.  I began my deep cleaning of the house that morning and took a break to meet with another friend for a couple of hours.  I noticed as the day progressed that the silence in the house was very welcoming.  I could play whatever music I wanted, I could watch what I liked on TV (Hannah, my youngest, generally controls the remote!) and once I had a room clean I did not have to worry about anybody messing it up right away!  I also got to eat when I wanted to and what I wanted and did not have anyone asking, "When are we going to eat? What's for dinner?"
After church on Sunday, I went on a 2 hour bike ride without having anyone ask, "Can we turn around? I am tired!"  By Sunday night, I no longer needed the radio or television to fill the silence.  My plans for the evening fell through but I found myself relieved to have the time alone.  Monday, I forgot my to do list and just spent the day relaxing and reading a book.  I could even complete an entire chapter without interruption!

In the end, I learned that some alone time is good for everyone.  It allowed me time to actually think without a bunch of background noise.  When the kids return, I know they will have a deeper appreciation of me as their Mom and I will be much more tolerable of the noise (even during a 13 hour drive home).  But it also reminded me that before long, the noise will disappear and be replaced with silence.

What I can learn from my tween almost teen

My oldest daughter, Sophia, is not popular in the sense of what society considers popular, but she is sincere and friendly.  Last year, she even remarked that she is not a popular kid, not even close.  She stated that she is what they consider the lowest rung on the popularity ladder.  And while she talked about it, there was not even a hint of sadness in her voice but a smile on her face.  Status does not matter to her, but good friends who have the same hobbies and attitude as her is what she values.  I look at the variety of friends Sophia has and it is amazing!  She has her friends from Chorale and friends from school.  She has other friends from the church youth group and a good friend from her daycare days.  The interest of her friends also varies, some like to sing and act, while others are very good athletes, some prefer to watch a Harry Potter marathon while others prefer High School Musical.  I watch Sophia jump from one group of friends to another at school, never getting caught up in the drama.  If there is drama or a friend is upset with her, she moves on to another group until the argument is over.  As she has gotten older, I have yet to see her come home upset about what somebody has said about her.  Sophia is not the best athlete, but she continues to try sports - even when she comes in last, she still has a smile on her face.
So I am wondering, if my daughter - who is possibly going through the most challenging times in her life - can be so carefree, why can't I?  As adults we want what others have.  We need to be friends with the popular people to elevate our status.  Personally, I am always concerned about what others think about me.  Not only that, but I cannot stand to finish last.  After finishing the Boston Marathon last year, I was embarrassed with my time as I did not hit my goal.  I told my husband he was not allowed to tell anyone my time.  If they wanted to know they had to look it up.
I am thinking that if I start to live for me and stop trying to impress everybody else, life may become a little easier.  I might be able to enjoy life and not feel so stressed all the time.  I think it is humorous that I am learning this lesson from my teenage daughter!  Sophia, I hope that as you grow and mature you continue to live life for you, and know how proud we are for the light you shine into the lives of so many people!

Moving On and Moving Up!

After 6 years of serving as a monthly parent helper, I had my last day a week ago.  I announced that day to Hannah that I was the Mommy helper that day and this would be my very last "preschool" helper day ever!  I went on to say that I would be a Kindergarten, First grade and Second grade helper but never again a preschool helper.  I am not really the sentimental type.  I cry because I am proud of my children, but I don't generally cry as my children move on and up to their next phase of life or milestone.  When Hannah was a baby and quickly growing up and going from one milestone to the next,  I wouldn't get all teary-eyed that I was losing my baby - I knew it was a fact of life that kids grow.  I never cried as I sent my first child or the next 2 to kindergarten.  I actually felt pretty bad as a I saw the rest of the moms crying and I couldn't squeeze just one tear out.  While I was watching the kids practice the bells for their program that morning the tears came. The more I tried to stop them the faster they came.  This reaction was very puzzling to my daughter as she kept glancing over at me wondering what was happening.  The realization of it all was finally setting in, whether I like it or not, my children are moving on and up in the world!

Mommy Management

As a Mom, you are not only responsible for your schedule, but your children's schedule and sometimes the husband.  This is a lot to think about and can be quite stressful at times but there are things that we can do in our daily routine that alleviate our stress and make things go a lot smoother!  I am going to share a typical Monday in our household and give a few hints on what I do to help the schedule out.

I am very fortunate to only work 3 days a week with half a day on the fourth day for office work.  Typically, I have Mondays completely off and most Wednesday mornings.  I do have 4 children so the days off are needed to prepare for the rest of the week!  Monday morning we leave our house at 7:30am to pick up another child and head to school and drop them off at school (our oldest already left for the day with Dad for school).  Hannah and I stay there to help out in Emma's class, leave to drop her off to preschool, return to Emma's class and finish out the reading time.  The key to my day being successful is what I do for the next hour and a half before I get Hannah from preschool.  I generally run home and start laundry, make dinner for the evening and pack lunches for Tuesday.  After lunch, I use the next few hours to do dishes or laundry, make meals for the week (that's right - the week).  At 3:15 I leave for school pick up and begin my bus route.  I pick up 5 children (only 2 are mine) from school and we start delivering them to their homes.  I make 2 stops before getting to the middle school to pick up my daughter then home we go for snack and homework.  In the next hour and a half, I help them finish homework, go through papers, wash dishes and finish up lunches or dinner.  Then we leave at 5:40pm to get Sophia to chorale and return home for dinner.  Wednesday is very similar to this schedule, just with piano and church and no chorale in the evening.  Tuesday and Thursday I work until 5pm and the littlest 2 have soccer.  Whoever has said staying home with the kids is easy has never had a schedule like this!  My days at the office are my days off!

So how does this all get done?  Some major coordination, a willing husband and some very great friends.
The first key has been finding some wonderful friends to coordinate activities and rides with.  I am no longer afraid to ask for help especially when they know the favor will be returned.  I carpool with another mom that knows I work on Tuesday and Thursday and really need the help in the afternoons.  She has small children so mornings are tough, and she appreciates not having to take care of the morning run.

Next, I plan my meals for the week during the weekend and try to stick to it.  We may divert from the plan on occasion so I make sure I have quick back-up meals.  Since I am home on Mondays, I generally prepare a few of my meals that day so I am ready the rest of the week.  If Mondays don't work that week, then I will do this on Saturday or Sunday.  I also cut all the veggies I need for the children's lunches that week along with a big bowl of salad.  We eat a lot of salads so I don't have to worry about it going bad before it is gone.   I also try to plan ahead for after school snacks but some weeks I forget!

I also keep a planner with EVERYBODY'S schedule in it.  I also write down what needs to be turned in, when snack has to be provided or when the kids have a test I should be aware of.  I write everything down and carry my planner with me everywhere.  If I don't write it down, it doesn't happen.

Of course, there are still times when things will not go perfectly planned (the computer isn't working, the children have twice as much homework as usual or a snack for school has been forgotten) and adjustments need to be made.  You really have to be able to expect the unexpected and have an alternate plan!

Consistency Becomes Habit

Now comes the time to put it all together, implement your plan and carry it out!  In the 100 Year Lifestyle we talk about 3 life-changing principles:

1. Change is easy but thinking about change is hard
2. Change happens once choice at a time.  Think progress, not perfection
3. Approach change with your ideal 100 year Lifestyle in mind.

For me, it is easier to think about change than actually implementing change.  If I make one small change at a time, the task does not seem so monumental.  I also notice that as I begin to make conscious food choices and go to the gym regularly, it gets easier each day and a new habit is formed.  This doesn't mean I am on target everyday.  Actually, more often than not I miss my intended goal for the day but what I now know is that tomorrow is a new day and a time to start over!  At the same time, if I had a cookie for mid-morning snack I don't say, "Well forget eating good the rest of the day!" I try to balance it out or cut calories some where else.  As humans, we want instant gratification and give up easily instead of moving forward with the task ahead.

The key is to add things and not concentrate on what you take away; water, movement, vegetables and strength.   Keeping a diary to track your daily food intake is also a real wake up call.  Sometimes, when we "think" we are eating well, we see that we really are not or that we are consuming more than our recommended daily calories.  The reason for my own weight gain was that I had decreased my training, but ate like I was still training for a marathon.  I forgot that if my workouts got reduced to half the time, my food consumption should probably too!  There are numerous places on the internet (and apps for you phone) where you can calculate and track your calories.  If you decide to keep a food diary, also track how hungry you are when you eat and what your mood is at the time.  This allows you to see if you are actually hungry or bored, upset or even happy when you eat.

A friend of mine posted on her Facebook that she had begun to exercise because of her family's health history and if she lost weight doing it, that would be a benefit!  Talk about having the right attitude!  Always have health improvement as your goal and don't look at the scale so much.  When you see the numbers it is easy to get obsessed about wanting that number to go down.  When the number stops going down, or even starts to go back up, it is tempting to give up and forget the new routine.  Learn to have fun with whatever activity you choose.  Try new foods and find new recipes to put variety into your diet.  If you need a break, take it, but get back to your routine sooner than later or it will be lost.  Just don't give up!

It is Time to "Pump, You Up!"

So far we have added water, movement and vegetables.  Now I want to add strength training.  When I started going to the gym, I would go to boot camp or run on the treadmill, use the stair climber or do a spin class but the thought of going into the weight area terrified me.  I had always lifted weights in high school, through college and even at Palmer but now I could not bring myself to do it!  I really felt intimidated to go into an area with all those muscles, men and women!  Well when I finally got the nerve to go into the area I found out that nobody laughed or pointed and they are actually all quite helpful.

We have all heard that muscle weighs more than fat, but do you know that muscle burns fat faster?  A lot of you are probably thinking, I don't want bulky muscles.  Great, neither do I!  I want you to work on toning or defining the muscle.  If you have never done strength training, I would highly recommend working with a personal trainer.  Most personal trainers have very affordable fees.  You can always go to the trainer once a week where they will customize a plan for you to work on that week.  If you go to a gym, you may want to look into a group power class or a conditioning class. If that is not possible, there are a lot of resources, such as books, magazines and DVD, to help you find more exercises.  Please understand, these recommendations are from my own personal experience - I am not a personal trainer.  I am going to give a few examples and suggestions for each body area. The book I am referencing from is The 100 Year Lifestyle Workout.

There are five areas to target; arms, back, chest, legs and core.  When working these areas you can use free weights, machines, resistance bands or you own body weight.  Find a weight that allows you to do 12-15 repetitions with the last 2-3 requiring some extra effort and I recommend performing 2-3 sets of each exercise.  Aim to do strength training 2-3 times a week.

Arms

• Bicep Curls
• Tricep Dips - can be done on the end of the couch, the front of a stable chair or the side of the bed.  
• Front Shoulder Raise
• Side Shoulder Raise
• Shoulder Overhead Press

Chest

• Push-ups - can be done with knees on the floor or or against a wall.  If you are in excellent shape, you can add more resistance by doing a decline push-up with the feet elevated

Back

• Lat Rows
• Chin-ups - you can have a friend or significant other support your legs to reduce the resistance to start

Legs

• Squats - can be done while holding dumbbells, with a barbell on shoulders or just with your body weight
• Lunges

Core

• Plank - Lay down in a push-up position with your body weight resting on your toes and forearms.  Stiffen your body and raise your torso off the ground with your abs pulled in tight and pull your belly button toward your spine.  Hold for 15-30 seconds.
• Side Plank
• Floor Bridge
• "Supermans"

You will be sore after your first workout.  You may even feel like a bus hit you!  Soreness is good but pain is not, so if you are experiencing pain you need to stop and consult a personal trainer to make sure you are lifting properly.  If the pain persists, consult a chiropractor who will evaluate your spine, nervous system and extremities for problems.  Don't feel intimidated and go for it!  I can guarantee you will feel great afterwards, well...after the initial soreness wears off!